The Birth of this Blog

If there was one thing to thank my previous lover ("The ExBae") for, it was that he reconnected me with my love for writing. I've always wanted to start a blog, and I guess our break-up was the spark.

Don't get me wrong, he's a wonderful wonderful guy, and there are so many things he did that I am thankful for. He made me feel like a queen. He made me feel valued and accepted for who I am. He put me first for so many of our decisions. He's the first man I fell in love with, at the ripe old age of 25. He loved me purely and selflessly, and I've never felt that type of connection to someone else before.

How did he reconnect me with my love of writing? Our relationship was characterized by communication. We were very comfortable sharing our thoughts, opinions, and feelings with each other. One thing he really enjoyed was how I would write him "essays". In the beginning of the relationship, I would write lengthy responses to whatever questions he had. For example, some questions may be: "what are you looking for in a partner?", "why do you want a relationship?", "what makes you feel loved/unloved?". Near the end of the relationship, they became more focused on how I was feeling about the relationship and why I felt that way.

At the time, I was writing my Master's thesis and thought I hated writing. However, I found that when I was writing for my ex, the words flowed easily and I was able to articulate my feelings in a much more eloquent and rational manner as opposed to verbally. My mindset shifted, and writing became a fun and effective way to communicate. My thesis writing improved too! Hopefully you will enjoy my writing as well :)

As of this post, our relationship has ended for seven months, and as you may be able to tell, I'm still struggling to get over him.

Which is so strange to me! I'm an economist, and we are a hyper-logical bunch of people that like to set aside emotions (for example, we refer to "happiness" as "utility", a theoretically measurable form of happiness that allows us to build models and all that fun stuff). How can someone I recognize as blatantly incompatible for me still haunt my thoughts every single day?

My (current) goal with this blog is to lay out my thoughts to help myself find some closure. My break-up isn't the only topic I would like to discuss on this website; however, it eats up a significant amount of my brain RAM, and I can't help but post about it.  

I loved him so much. In fact, I still love him. So why did I leave him? Please stay tuned for the next post where I discuss the key reason behind the break-up :)

Thanks for reading! 

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"
They say that time will heal like a potion
But time has only got me missing more of you, of you 
"