If I saw my ex again, I would say...

My breath caught in my throat. I thought I saw someone that looked like Exbae. The emotions hit like a sack of bricks, as if seven seconds not seven months had passed since our breakup.

I didn't approach him, and never knew if it was him, but I was very hung up emotionally for the next few days. My friend, whom I'll refer to as SaltySam, didn't understand. He wondered aloud what I would even say to him if we did have an opportunity for a conversation. 

My response was this letter. Overall, I think writing this out helped to release a lot of my emotions, and move me one step closer to getting over him :) (And also reduces my desire to reach out to Exbae)


 ___________________________

Dear Exbae,

The Dealbreaker

I remember telling him in the beginning that my logical brain does not work well around him. That he made my brain "fuzzy". I guess as the relationship progressed, my logical brain was able to gain some clarity, and our incompatibilities could no longer be ignored.

As I learned more about his "business", I struggled to accept this part of him. I really really tried my best to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal. I naively believed our love could outweigh any obstacles. The idea of our relationship ending was unbearable to me. 

The Birth of this Blog

If there was one thing to thank my previous lover ("The ExBae") for, it was that he reconnected me with my love for writing. I've always wanted to start a blog, and I guess our break-up was the spark.

Don't get me wrong, he's a wonderful wonderful guy, and there are so many things he did that I am thankful for. He made me feel like a queen. He made me feel valued and accepted for who I am. He put me first for so many of our decisions. He's the first man I fell in love with, at the ripe old age of 25. He loved me purely and selflessly, and I've never felt that type of connection to someone else before.