The Dealbreaker

I remember telling him in the beginning that my logical brain does not work well around him. That he made my brain "fuzzy". I guess as the relationship progressed, my logical brain was able to gain some clarity, and our incompatibilities could no longer be ignored.

As I learned more about his "business", I struggled to accept this part of him. I really really tried my best to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal. I naively believed our love could outweigh any obstacles. The idea of our relationship ending was unbearable to me. 


As a result, the last two months of the relationship were characterized by the epic struggle between my emotional and logical brain. It got to the point where I was crying on every date we went on, because there would undoubtedly be some comment that triggered feelings of losing him or losing myself. I felt like I was being ripped apart, and I knew I had to let go of one side or risk insanity.

In the end, my values won. I had to stay true to myself, even if it meant losing the best feeling in the world, and the companionship of an amazing human being.

He's a very inquisitive individual. One of his favorite questions is "why is that?". I knew at the time of the break-up, he didn't feel we were as incompatible as I said we were. I knew he would ask why. In the last post, I mentioned how our relationship was characterized by communication, and how I would write essays for him. To conclude our romantic relationship (one part of me still naively hopes for a platonic friendship one day), I wrote 41 pages in total for him. 19 pages in regards to his "business" and 22 picking apart the "little things". It's ironic. If I didn't love him so much I wouldn't have written so much. I undertook this labour of love to terminate our love. 

Over the next few posts, I will share the 19 pages in regards to his "business". The other 22 pages are more personal, and are only meant for his eyes. The 19 pages were originally meant for his eyes only too, and I wouldn't share them if I didn't feel they could help others in a similar situation to him. Helping others extricate themselves is the sole intention in sharing this document- I never want my words to spite or hurt or besmirch him in any way (which is one reason why I strive to keep this blog anonymous). Despite our differences, I hold a tremendous amount of love for him. And hopefully you, as my reader, will be able to feel just how much I care for him as you read through those pages. However, I do acknowledge I wrote those pages in an emotional state, and perhaps it was a lot more judgemental that I intended.  

Okay, that's enough build-up, time to reveal The Dealbreaker.

What I could not accept was his Amway/Worldwide Dream Builders (WWDB) involvement. To give some more context, I have a Master's degree in Economics, and I'm of the belief that multi-level marketing (MLM) is basically a pyramid scheme that fits into a legal loophole. As an analogy, I felt that an economist dating an Amway sheeple is like an astrophysicist dating a flat earther. While it may be possible for a few select people, his involvement with Amway was a bitter pill I was not able to swallow, no matter how hard I tried.

You may wonder...that's not an illegal venture, and so many people are involved in MLMs. Can you really break up with someone you loved so terribly much because of that?  I can't speak for all Amway/WWDB factions, but the way his particular association operated was unethical to me, and I break down the reasons why in my document.

Stay tuned for the next few posts, as I share with you the 19 page document I wrote for him. Due to the length, I broke it into five posts. 

Part 1: Introduction
Part 2: Analogies
Part 3: Ethics
Part 4: Economics
Part 5: Conclusion

Thanks for reading!

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"

Who wrote the book on goodbye?
There's never been a way to make this easy
When there's nothing quite wrong but it don't feel right
Either your head or your heart, you set the other on fire

"

Lauv- The Other