My Health Struggles: Part 2: Diagnosis

Last post I gave the back story of how I ended up with my digestive problems. 

Today, I'll detail my diagnosis and how I deduced those conclusions.

I'll start by saying that the conventional medical system did nothing for me.

My Health Struggles: Part 1: Ex-vegetarian Confessions (aka How I wrecked my digestive system)

Those who know me, know that I'm a health freak. I can be very anal about what I eat, how I sleep, and my workout frequency. Nothing gets in the way of fitness!

My doppelganger getting her exercise! :)
(https://www.airforcemedicine.af.mil/News/Article/808862/elder-fitness-program-gets-results/)

It wasn't always that way. Sometimes, you don't know the true value of something until you lose it. And I am very very fortunate to have regained my health.

If I saw my ex again, I would say...

My breath caught in my throat. I thought I saw someone that looked like Exbae. The emotions hit like a sack of bricks, as if seven seconds not seven months had passed since our breakup.

I didn't approach him, and never knew if it was him, but I was very hung up emotionally for the next few days. My friend, whom I'll refer to as SaltySam, didn't understand. He wondered aloud what I would even say to him if we did have an opportunity for a conversation. 

My response was this letter. Overall, I think writing this out helped to release a lot of my emotions, and move me one step closer to getting over him :) (And also reduces my desire to reach out to Exbae)


 ___________________________

Dear Exbae,

First Relationship Follies

Exbae was a brave man. He knew he was getting involved with someone who had zero relationship experience. A someone who also happens to be self-righteous, stubborn, and with strong perfectionist tendencies to boot. In fact, Exbae was the third person I've ever been on a date with, and I was one month away from turning 26 when we first met. 

At the time, I believed I had great relationship skills, that I was someone very easy to get along with, and that I was an amazing catch. In my professional life, my interpersonal and teamwork skills were on point. People loved being in a team with me, and my group projects were often top in the class. I also watched all of Matthew Hussey's videos and read a lot of John Gray. I thought I knew what I was doing. I thought I was ready for this.

My Journey to Self Compassion #1: Emotional Reintegration

Hello my dear reader :)

I thought I would start a series on my personal journey to loving myself.

Self-love has transformed my life. Now, I get excited to turn a year older, because with each year, I've been loving myself more and more. As a result, each year the beauty of life touches me a bit more deeply. It is interesting how much easier it is to see beauty everywhere once you start to see beauty within yourself and your own life.

It wasn't always that way for me. There was a point in my life (late junior high and extending until first year of university) where I hated myself. Loathed my whole being. Every day, every hour, every minute, I wished I was someone different. I couldn't bear being in my own skin, in my situation, in my family. Life definitely wasn't fun during those years, and I reached the point of being borderline suicidal.

Amway/WWDB Part 5: Conclusion

This is Part 5 of the Dealbreaker for our relationship. You can read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Thanks for sticking through the whole series all the way to the last part!

I know that if I really wanted Exbae to leave his MLM, I had to provide a feasible alternative. I couldn't just bash his current path without painting a picture of a better future. Below is my suggestion for what he can do instead of Amway.  

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Conclusion

I fully admit I probably wouldn’t be attracted to you if you haven’t undergone the personal growth that was spurred by your involvement with Amway/WWDB. 

Amway/WWDB: Part 4: Economics

This is Part 4 of the Dealbreaker for our relationship. You can read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

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How is the Amway dream misleading? Why is it not a certainty that someone will become Diamond? Why are IBOs not actually creating societal value; for example, “building families”?

Please see below for four reasons why I feel Amway is an investment with low societal and economic return:

Amway/WWDB: Part 3: Ethics

This is Part 3 of the Dealbreaker for our relationship. You can read Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
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What’s even worse?

The business is built on duplication. I already feel negatively regarding you taking the drug yourself (i.e. believing in the Amway dream), but the way you achieve your goal of time and financial freedom is through “selling” it to other people, and limiting their future (in my eyes). And they in turn will be dealing this drug and propagating what I perceive to be low societal value throughout society.

But wait, it gets worse. How is the addiction to the Amway dream reinforced?

Amway/WWDB: Part 2 :Analogies

This is Part 2 of the Dealbreaker for our relationship. You can read Part 1 here.

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Why do I feel like Amway/WWDB limits someone’s future?

Let me give you another analogy.

Amway/WWDB: Part 1: Introduction

In the previous post, I mentioned that I wrote an essay for my ex regarding why I thought his specific faction of Amway/WWDB was unethical.

(And according to a Google search, there are many other Amway WWDB factions that also operate in a similar manner: 

• http://themadeconomy.blogspot.com/2013/06/amway-most-intelligent-scam-ever.html
• http://amwayscheme.blogspot.com/2018/06/amwaywwdb-core-steps.html
• http://marriedtoanambot.blogspot.com/2018/06/who-are-real-losers-amway-ambots.html
• http://aworldofdresses.com/amway-scam-bloggers-beware/
• http://www.moneyaftergraduation.com/2013/09/16/amway-is-a-pyramid-scheme/
• https://stoptheamwaytoolscam.wordpress.com/executive-summary/

...just to list a few.)

Originally, I meant to write this essay as a way to "rescue" him. To unbrainwash him. I invested an immense amount of time and energy into the document. I truly wanted to convince him to quit his "business", and my available tools were the strength of my words supported with a solid foundation of background research. However, the more I wrote, the more I realized how different our fundamental life goals and values truly were, and made the decision to break up with him before the document was complete.
 
Below is my parting gift to him:
(Note: I have edited the more personal parts out, and all names are changed)

The Dealbreaker

I remember telling him in the beginning that my logical brain does not work well around him. That he made my brain "fuzzy". I guess as the relationship progressed, my logical brain was able to gain some clarity, and our incompatibilities could no longer be ignored.

As I learned more about his "business", I struggled to accept this part of him. I really really tried my best to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal. I naively believed our love could outweigh any obstacles. The idea of our relationship ending was unbearable to me. 

The Birth of this Blog

If there was one thing to thank my previous lover ("The ExBae") for, it was that he reconnected me with my love for writing. I've always wanted to start a blog, and I guess our break-up was the spark.

Don't get me wrong, he's a wonderful wonderful guy, and there are so many things he did that I am thankful for. He made me feel like a queen. He made me feel valued and accepted for who I am. He put me first for so many of our decisions. He's the first man I fell in love with, at the ripe old age of 25. He loved me purely and selflessly, and I've never felt that type of connection to someone else before.